I do not fit in anywhere right now. At home, at my friends, at church... At home I am not the little sister I am a mommy that is still living with her mommy. I have outgrown most of my friends they all seem to be happy with the lives they have not growing and moving on. I am growing I am a mother and a college student deciding what I want to do with my life. At church I am between a YW and a part of relief society. Though many of the women in the relief society are young mothers they are not a young mother in the same way that I am. In school I am online for all of my classes and this semester I am stepping into a college classroom that is not choir. I am taking ceramics with Scott and Stacey. I am very excited I will have one night of (hopefully) fun. That will make me feel like I am actually a college student. I have so many mixed feelings about everything right now and I do not know where I stand. I feel lost at my own house. There are many people here that love me but I just seem to tune them out and pay attention to myself.
The past couple of weeks people keep putting me down for decisions that I have made in my life. One of them is that I still go to church I believe so strongly in the church that I could never leave it. People say things trying to tempt me in ways they do not even mean to. It hurts to see people I am so close to that know that I am trying so hard to be able to get sealed and want there support and then the tell me why drinking is ok or why some movies really aren't so bad. I probably am not making any sense and I have nothing to really say but I am just upset and sad for me and sad for other people and I can not make any of it better.
on other news
Man robbed ,pistol wipped
My two best friends father was attacked the other night and it makes you think a lot. They think it was a set up but no one sure of anything right now.
4 comments:
I can honestly say I know how you feel. I hope it get's better for you soon. I felt so out of place for so very long. Heck, some of my friends from highschool still aren't married let alone have kids. I wouldn't trade the life that I've chose to lead-marriage, kids, church, they are important things. I do feel sometimes I missed a part of life that I will never get back, because I was raising kids, while my friends were becoming adults out there, I already had to be one. But I don't really want to know what kind of person I would have become had my life went another direction. I can't say that there won't always be trials,there will, but I can tell you it will get easier. Give it time, and you'll find your place. Love you!
I know it is hard. Sometimes it feels like you lose your self or your place but please know that we all love you, And what ever you need help with please dont be afraid to ask. I may not be Family yet but I still think of you as my family and will help in anyway that I can. I truely know how you feel believe me it was hard finding my place after having Bethy at 16.
Hang in there. You'll find yourself, that's a life long process anyway no matter what part of life you are in. As far as the church goes - stick to your guns. You are doing what you know you should, and though it may be hard you are headed the right direction, and working to be sealed is awesome. It's worth everything in life. You are amazing - don't ever forget that. And we all love you!!
Sweety, no worries. I am almost at the same stage you are at. All of my friends from high school try to convince me I messed up my life by getting married and having children. They say I am old and have lost my dreams. All I know is that they do not understand the wonderment I have when I wake up Collin in the morning and he says "hi mama" or sings this old man. I didn't finish college by one semester and for some reason that makes me an outcast in our society. I do not fit in with the women at relief society, to them I am still young and tainted. I am just a person who sits inbetween without really a specific place to be. I feel for you and if you ever want to talk, grab Leaner and come on over. We'll eat some chicken wings, while I try to get through this morning sickness.
Post a Comment